Tuesday, May 5, 2009
I Used to be a Piece of Cheese...(Not really)
but now I almost always wear contacts.
I used to have blonde hair,
but now I have brown hair.
I used to read picture books,
but now I read novels.
I used to play soccer,
but now I play football and basketball.
I used to go to Oakwood Elementary,
but now I attend Tavelli Elementary.
I used to be content to stay in Elementary School,
but now I can't wait for Junior High.
I used to play basketball at Northside,
but now I go to the Fort Collins Club.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Squirrel Farmer Weekly #1
Squirrel Farming tip from Zach Miller:
"If it's fat, cover up your neck immediately."From the dead sea to you: weekly stories from the dead sea. This weekend, professional squirrel farmers Bob Joe, Joe Bob, and Bob Joe Bob were overtaken by the evil fanged Dead Sea squirrels. Bob Joe Bob, a rookie, was the getaway driver for Bob Joe and Joe Bob. When Joe Bob came back to the car, Bob Joe Bob was too involved in his iPod and Subway. So Joe Bob gets mauled to death and then Bob Joe Bob drives off in the car, and then when Bob Joe comes back, there was no car, so he gets mauled to death. Bob Joe Bob's car then breaks down a mile away, and the squirrels catch up to him and maul him to death. Let this be a lesson to all: NEVER TRUST A ROOKIE AS THE GETAWAY DRIVER!
Squirrel Farmers Get Mauled For 5 Hours and Live!!!! Squirrel farmers Jim Joe, Joe Jim, and Joe Jim Joe, who where squirrel farming in Loch Ness, were mauled by squirrels for 5 HOURS STRAIGHT UNDERWATER. SERIOUSLY. Their getaway driver, Jim Joe Jim (not to be confused with Joe Jim Joe) delibrately left the car and hid in the bushes, taking footage of the squirrel farmers getting mauled and timing the mauling. Jim Joe, Joe Jim, and Joe Jim Joe, are in critical condition right now, but they survived and doctors have said they will leave the hospital just fine.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Tim Tripielson
This is what we know about Tim. He is approximately 5 feet tall, weighs 150 pounds, and has four arms and four legs. He is green, and stinky. VERY STINKY. He wears special t-shirts and jeans to accommodate for his eight limbs.
Tim Tripielson was last seen wearing a four-sleeved yellow smiley face t-shirt, four-legged blue jeans, and sandals. It's completely normal eyes are completely normal. (Darn you guided paragraph thingy) It has a nose like any other person. (Grrrrrrrrrr) It has green skin because it was exposed to radiation in Ukraine. Tim has tentacles for arms, serious facial hair, and dreadlocks that haven't been washed in 24 years. Wow.
We have not found where the ARACHNID OF DEATH is located, but we do know what provokes it. Please avoid the following at all costs: Do not carry around cubed cheese on a triangular plate, do not walk around with an open dictionary, do not peel a banana right after eating sunflower seeds, do not read magazines while it's raining outside, do not wear Hanes socks, do not eat doughnuts without savoring them, and most importantly, avoid any and all lines. I don't mean drawing lines, I mean like, "single file, class" type lines. To catch Tim, you must douse it with Vitamin Water. TRY IT! If you didn't get that, you have to watch more TV. But trust us, it works. Seriously. After you catch the ARACHNID OF DEATH, sedate it and call us. The reward is $22.63. We want it ALIVE, please. (Again, it's the guided paragraph thingy's fault.) If you see Tim Tripielson, please call 1-800-PEST-BEGONE.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Squirrel Farming
When the Earth Split Open (and no, that's not plagurism)
Flaflejalwitz (Fla-flee-jall-wits), a 95 year old retired guy, lived in right next to the when the earthquakes of 1811 and 1812 began. He just slept right through the first part of the earthquake, but when the flooding came, he heard a knock at his door. He said from his rocking chair to come in. The person opened his door and water streamed into his house. "Well I'll be darned," Flaflejalwitz said in amazement, "you brought me some water." Oh yeah, and by the way, you have to read Flaflejalwitz's dialogue in a Southern style accent, or it's not nearly as good of a story. (I'm not quite sure why.)
A guy in a boat was floating in the doorway. "Hey person who's way to old for this time period," said the guy in the boat. "Hop in, or you're going to drown."
"Now why would I do a thing like that?" Flaflejalwitz answered. With a crazy, creepy looking face, he added "I'M IMMORTAL!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!"
The dude in the boat gave Flaflejalwitz a strange look and slowly drifted away in the other direction. A few hours later, when the house was almost completely submerged with water, and Flaflefalwitz had moved to the roof (probably the smartest thing he'd done in his long, meaningless, life) and soon enough, another boat came. Once again, he refused the help of the boat. Eventually, when the earth rumbled again due to more earthquakes, Flaflejalwitz toppled off his roof and into the water. Because he still believed he was immortal, Flaflejalwitz didn't even try to swim back to his roof. He drowned, and of course, died. What a happy ending. JUST KIDDING!!!! No. Really. I'm serious. What, you were expecting a happy ending??? You demand too much of me. OK, so I'll redo the entire story..... HAPPY VERSION!!!
Flaflejalwitz (Fla-flee-jall-wits), a 95 year old retired guy, lived in right next to the when the earthquakes of 1811 and 1812 began. He just slept right through the first part of the earthquake, but when the flooding came, he heard a knock at his door. He said from his rocking chair to come in. The person opened his door and water streamed into his house. "Well I'll be darned," Flaflejalwitz said in amazement, "you brought me some water." Oh yeah, and by the way, you have to read Flaflejalwitz's dialogue in a Southern style accent, or it's not nearly as good of a story. (I'm not quite sure why.)
A guy in a boat was floating in the doorway. "Hey person who's way to old for this time period," said the guy in the boat. "Hop in, or you're going to drown."
"Okay!" yelled Flaflejalwitz, enthusiastically. Then Flaflejalwitz stepped into the boat, and they paddled their way to safety, and lived happily ever after. BOOOOOOOOOORING. See? Isn't my first version better? So if you know what's good for you, you will NEVER ask for another happy ending from me. Ever. I'm just kidding, you can ask for a happy ending whenever you want, but don't be surprised when you get another dumb "happily ever after" story. But hey, if that's what floats your boat, (hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, pun, pun, pun) then that's fine with me.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Summer Poem
the place to play
is no doubt
the swimming pool.
Smelling the hotdog stand,
with squirt gun in hand,
taking on your friend in a duel.
You step up to the board
to try some dives
the bees right behind in a hoard.
Disturbed from their hive,
you send send them a jive,
before leaping back into the pool.
You hear the tweet of a wistle,
and look up at the guard,
who's conviced she's very ofissal.
She looks at you hard,
but she's no threat,
while she's up on her stool.
You've got no cares,
just lawn chairs,
and sliced pairs,
and definitely no thoughts of school.
On a hot summer day,
the place to play,
is no doubt
the swimming pool.
Monday, March 16, 2009
NEW SERIES!
Monday, March 9, 2009
Randomest Blog Ever.......Cheese Biscuts... you get the picture
Dun dun dun dun!!!! *suspenseful music* Pyotr wound his way through the passageways. He could hear the stamping of feet right around the corner. How could he lose this guy, he wondered.... Pyotr turned into a dark room. The man followed him in seconds later.
"Come out come out wherever you a-asl;nvbdioads;ahnlbdnai;klsdibklas;blklbdn Beeeeeeep. Beeeeeeeep." That was the dude saying really bad words. I mean REALLY BAD. I'll tell them to you if you promise to utilize your sculpture in the luxury museum with customary suffocation of fugitives. Wow. See those awesome using-lots-of-spelling-words-in-a-sentence skills?!?!?! OK, now the bad words...... He said:.........................CHEESE MONKEYS!!!!!!!!!!
I know those words look bold because they're big, actually they're not the Big font they're the largest font but I know you think there's no difference, but there is, just look, and you'll see, there's a smallest font, a small font, a normal font, which is what I'm using yaaaaaayyy, at least for most of it because those letters back there were big, actually that was the biggest font because I said so and there's a large font, and a largest font!!!!!!!!!! There, children, is an example of a run-on sentence. Never do that, or the big cheese will cook your mouse in a whale of a DUCK!!!! I like sulfur. Do you like sulfur? This is total nonsense. That means it doesn't make sense, children. I'm lookin' at you-hey look, it's exactly 37 degrees outside! Yaaaaaaaay!!!! I know that's a weird name, but this is a valuable moment in history.
I can't believe they have a picture of 37 degrees on Google Images. Isn't that incredible? ............................................................................... .....................................................................................................................
.......................................................HI!........................................................
...........................................,.......................................................Find the comma. And that thing ^ is not it. Don't you know what a comma is? Everyone in the universe-hey, that's all my spelling words! Stop interrupting my important discussions with uhhhhhh.... Pyotr- Hey! I remember Pyotr. You were writing a s-You interrupted me again. You're so mean. And by the way, we haven't used all of our spelling words either. And by the way-you just said that- I DON'T CARE! By the way, who are you, anyway? I am your conscience. Your very valuable conscience. Ha! I'm better at using spelling words than you! Na nah nah nah nah! Narrator: I know this probably doesn't make any sense because the author is talking to himself and there are no ocelots, I mean quotation marks. We will be sure to change that right away. Please wait while we repair the quotation marks. ...................................................... .................................................... Author: Ahem, ahem. I have something to say................................... ..........CHEESENESS!.............Conscience: That was totally random....................................................... ................................................Narrator: OK, guys, I think we got 'em fixed. Go ahead and test.......... ............GUYS!.... Author: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... AAAAAAAAH! ................Author: "Testing. Yep, they work. Now, back to our discussion. Oops. I forgot what we were talking about. Oh yeah, who can get the words first well, thumbprint. There. I beat you conscience. Ha ha. Conscience? Where did you go?"
Conscience: "Boo."
Author: "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!! Well, anyway everybody, this blog will be starting a new series where the Author talks to his Conscience. Exciting, right? I know. Well, it's up to you to pick the title. Please participate in the poll over on the right-hand side. Now. Because I told you to. If you have other ideas for titles that I don't have on my poll, leave a comment on this post. Thank you much. Bye!
Monday, March 2, 2009
STICK MEN UNLEASHED!!!!!!!!
Don't worry. That's completely natural. My first head looked something like that, too. OK, so maybe it wasn't that bad, but it wasn't a circle. Next, draw one vertical line coming down from the circle. Don't try and make this all perfect, either. Just draw a line and be done with it. Don't worry if your line looks like this:
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
World War II
Monday, February 23, 2009
Vocab
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Rooney Rule
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Thomas Jefferson's Kids
Mary Wayles Jefferson was born in 1778 and died in 1804. In 1797, she married her cousin and childhood friend John Wayles Eppes. Their first child was born in 1800, but died after just a couple days. In 1801, Mary gave birth to their only child to survive infancy: Francis W. Eppes. Their final child was born in 1804, but was small and died later that year. Mary never recovered from her last birth and died later that year.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
25 Random Things About Me
- I love Siwwy Pu'y!!!!!! I have two original red eggs full of Siwwy Pu'y, a full pink egg, and an orange egg that's half full. (Or half empty. It depends on if you're optimistic or not.
- I'm afraid of spiders, snakes, and cats with no hair.
- Zach and I have a random list that we use to write down the random things Zach says. Out of the blue, he says stuff like: I like to play with milk and cookies.
- One of my favorite things to do is to play Uchre with my grandparents when they come over.
- Many people know that I play the piano, but what people don't know is that I've been playing viola since second grade.
- I love to travel. I've gone to Canada two times, but other than that, I usually just travel in the United States
- I can type 65 words per minute!! Seriously! I can!
- My favorite type of dog is pugs, but I've never had one.
- My favorite food is... well, I don't really know. I like a lot of foods.
- I don't like a lot of foods too. Those include spinach, shrimp, and mushrooms.
- I own a Play Station 3, but I only have time to play it on the weekends. My games include: NCAA '08 and '09, Madden '08, Guitar Hero 3, and Ridge Racer 7, which is a really fun car racing game.
- Not many people know that I have an enormous Lego collection.
- I love to watch movies. Some of my favorite movies include Remember the Titans, Miracle, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, and Get Smart.
- My favorite TV shows are Mythbusters and Sports Center.
- I have a cat named Jasper and a golden retriever named Bailey. I also used to own to hamsters. My brother had one and I had one. Mine died early. We joke that it was because he ate too much. My brother's hamster was really skinny because mine hogged all the food, but good ol' Scabbers lived for a while.
- I am a Siwwy Pu'y EXPERT! (See my other blogs.)
- I love to play sports. I play quarterback in football, and I play in two different basketball leagues. (I'm a really busy.) I used to play soccer, but then I started playing football.
- One of my nicknames is Henfree. (don't ask)
- I love computers!
- I wear contacts. I got them this summer because I have terrible eyesight.
- My favorite restaurant is Panhandler's. They're pizza is SO good!!
- When I was really little, my family and I were canoeing down a river. Then, when we got to some rapids, I fell out of the boat and got stuck underneath the canoe. Thankfully, the boat tipped so I didn't drown. Everyone fell out, though. We were all okay.
- My favorite holidays are Christmas and Halloween.
- Some of the cool things in my house include: the trampoline in my back yard, my Play Station 3, my pool table, my air hockey table, my dart board, and my HD TV. (I may seem like some spoiled rich kid, but I'M NOT!)
- I love to read. I've read tons and tons of books.
Friday, February 6, 2009
More Info on Silly Putty
Finding how many different types of Silly Putty there really are was difficult, but after discovering the official Silly Putty website, it was a piece of cake.(or Silly Putty) Of course, you have your original Silly Putty. You know, the pinkish colored stuff in the red eggs. (see picture of red eggs) Then, you've got the classic bright-colored Silly Putty. That comes in orange, bright yellow, pink, and bright green. (see picture of orange eggs) Silly Putty also features holiday packs, like the Christmas pack, (which I believe Taylor has) featuring a bright red and a dark green egg, or the Spring Pack, featuring an egg of pastel pink and an egg of pastel blue. Then, Silly Putty got technical. They added Glow in the Dark Silly Putty. (see picture) Glow in the Dark Silly Putty came in yellow, bright blue, pink, and bright green. Changeable Silly Putty came next-a temperature sensitive Silly Putty that changes colors from the warmth of your hand. Changeable Silly Putty is availible in an orange changing to yellow variety, a pink to purple variety, and a green to turquoise variety. In 2000, Silly Putty made the golden Silly Putty for the fiftieth anniversary. There are innumerable types of Silly Putty, but I think I've said enough on the subject for now.
Personally, I love to sculpt things with Silly Putty. I sculpt "Mr. Marshmellow" (see me for details) all the time and I love to slowly feed the Silly Putty through my fingers to make it into one long strand. It's also fun to poke the ends of pencil and pen caps into the Silly Putty to make cool designs. I have no real preference to the color of Silly Putty I use, but I like the bright colors better than the plain pinkish color.
Random cool facts!!!!!
- Silly Putty is often called, "the toy with one moving part."
- Silly Putty was taken up in space by the passengers of Apollo 8, and used to keep tools down during the time when they were in zero gravity.
- Each egg of Silly Putty contains about 13.3 grams of putty.
- After recent tests by yours truly, Mr. Baatz, I have proved that it is not safe to play with Silly Putty while driving.
- About 600 pounds of Silly Putty is produced each day.
- Many athletes squeeze Silly Putty to strengthen their grip.
- Silly Putty bounced into the National Toy Hall of Fame in 2001.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Civil Rights Movement
On January 15, 1941, Phillip Randolph called for a 10,000 person African American march into Washington D.C. Randolph postponed the march on January 28, however, because President Roosevelt issued a law prohibiting racial discrimination when hiring African Americans for jobs. In 1942, the Committe of Racial Equility was formed. SILLY PUTTY IS MADE IN 1943!!!!!! In 1945, on April 12, President Roosevelt died and Vice-President Harry Truman became President. Japan then surrendered on August 14, therefore ending World War II. On June 3, 1946, the Supreme Court ruled that the Virginia law requiring segregated seating on buses is unnessecary. On April 15, 1947, Jackie robinson played his first game for the Brooklyn Dodgers, therefore becomingh the first African-American to play in the major leagues since the 1880's. On March 22, 1948, Phillip Randolph warned Truman at a White House meeting that he will lead a civil disobedience campaign against the draft unless the armed forces are integrated. Truman wins the election on November 2. In 1949, administration proposed legislation to make lynching a federal crime, abolish poll taxes in national elections, and end segregation in interstate transportation. As you can see, the 1940's was a tough time for all African-Americans throughout the United States. Bibliography: "Timeline 1941-1973." Reporting Civil Rights. 6 Feb. 2009.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Siwwy Pu'y History
Bibliography: Phillips, Charles. "Silly Putty." American History Magazine Dec. 2006: 69.