Flaflejalwitz (Fla-flee-jall-wits), a 95 year old retired guy, lived in right next to the when the earthquakes of 1811 and 1812 began. He just slept right through the first part of the earthquake, but when the flooding came, he heard a knock at his door. He said from his rocking chair to come in. The person opened his door and water streamed into his house. "Well I'll be darned," Flaflejalwitz said in amazement, "you brought me some water." Oh yeah, and by the way, you have to read Flaflejalwitz's dialogue in a Southern style accent, or it's not nearly as good of a story. (I'm not quite sure why.)
A guy in a boat was floating in the doorway. "Hey person who's way to old for this time period," said the guy in the boat. "Hop in, or you're going to drown."
"Now why would I do a thing like that?" Flaflejalwitz answered. With a crazy, creepy looking face, he added "I'M IMMORTAL!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!"
The dude in the boat gave Flaflejalwitz a strange look and slowly drifted away in the other direction. A few hours later, when the house was almost completely submerged with water, and Flaflefalwitz had moved to the roof (probably the smartest thing he'd done in his long, meaningless, life) and soon enough, another boat came. Once again, he refused the help of the boat. Eventually, when the earth rumbled again due to more earthquakes, Flaflejalwitz toppled off his roof and into the water. Because he still believed he was immortal, Flaflejalwitz didn't even try to swim back to his roof. He drowned, and of course, died. What a happy ending. JUST KIDDING!!!! No. Really. I'm serious. What, you were expecting a happy ending??? You demand too much of me. OK, so I'll redo the entire story..... HAPPY VERSION!!!
Flaflejalwitz (Fla-flee-jall-wits), a 95 year old retired guy, lived in right next to the when the earthquakes of 1811 and 1812 began. He just slept right through the first part of the earthquake, but when the flooding came, he heard a knock at his door. He said from his rocking chair to come in. The person opened his door and water streamed into his house. "Well I'll be darned," Flaflejalwitz said in amazement, "you brought me some water." Oh yeah, and by the way, you have to read Flaflejalwitz's dialogue in a Southern style accent, or it's not nearly as good of a story. (I'm not quite sure why.)
A guy in a boat was floating in the doorway. "Hey person who's way to old for this time period," said the guy in the boat. "Hop in, or you're going to drown."
"Okay!" yelled Flaflejalwitz, enthusiastically. Then Flaflejalwitz stepped into the boat, and they paddled their way to safety, and lived happily ever after. BOOOOOOOOOORING. See? Isn't my first version better? So if you know what's good for you, you will NEVER ask for another happy ending from me. Ever. I'm just kidding, you can ask for a happy ending whenever you want, but don't be surprised when you get another dumb "happily ever after" story. But hey, if that's what floats your boat, (hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, pun, pun, pun) then that's fine with me.
THE END
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