Skippy Chronicles...Prologue....Part...three??????

Yes, I apologize to you all about that utterly confusing prologue I wrote. Yes, I'm sure it's utterly. THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU, BESSIE!!!! THERE ARE NO UDDERS HERE!!! Sorry. Well, what happened was I kind of forgot to finish the prologue, so I am adding a part three!!!!! Who needs part two? I also have enclosed an important and TOTALLY TOP SECRET letter to the Federal Bureau of Non-Alcoholic Beverages. And here it is in plain sight for all to see: WAIT!!!!! NOT YET!!!!! First, I am also sorry that I haven't been blogging for a while. I have been UTTERLY busy this week and last night when I was going to blog, I didn't have Internet due to the storm. And now for the letter:

Dear Federal Bureau of Non-Alcoholic Beverages,

We too, associates here at NASA, have also pondered at great length the issue of Zach. After several days of collaborating, we have concluded that the Balaclava thing will take his place. It was unanimous: EVERYONE voted for Zach to stay. So, obviously, in our infinite wisdom, Zach was voted off, and Balaclava thing got the job. YAAAAYYY!!!!!

UTTERLY insincerely,

Phyllis A. Frisbee
Not-at-all hypocritical Communications Manager

And so: aww dangit, had italics still on. And so: I present to you Part Three, count 'em, three, of the Skippy Chronicles.


"Wha-"

HOLD EVERYTHING!!!!!!!! I have made the executive decision to make this Episode 1 of the Skippy Chronicles, instead of Prologue Part Three. So here goes:

DIIIINNGGGGG DOOOOONNNNNNGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!! DDDDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGG DDDDDDDDDDOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Ughsharalharsheuglsap...DANE!!!!!!! It's..." Ben checked his watch, "1:13 and 26 seconds!!!!!"

"A.M., P.M., or C.M.?"
"A.M.!!!!!!!"
"Could've sworn it was cm...Ben, why must you check your watch every single thing????" Dane said, looking equally tired, exasperated, and in dire need of some ketchup. "See, I had this weird dream..." Dane went on to explain his dream, and his philosophy of feral kittens in the state of California.
"...and then I tried to go to Henry's house, but he wasn't there."
"Dane, that's because he came over here. With an equally confusing and overly-detailed dream. Except he described Fidel Castro as some kind of absurd maniacal, machine-gun wielding mad-man. And he didn't tell me his philosophy of feral kittens in Canada."
"California!!! So where is Henfrey anyway?" At that moment a bottle of ketchup (actually I'm going to start calling it catsup from now on because it sounds cooler and has "cat" in it. MOW!) came flying out of the doorway and hit Danefrey in the stomach.
"Ummm...sorry," Henfrey explained, suddenly appearing in the doorway. "You just looked like you needed some catsup. (MOW!)" Dane started guzzling the catsup (MOW!) like he was, I don't know, I never really liked similes. But metaphors are even worse, so I don't really have a choice. OK, he just guzzled the catsup. There. Yes, it's terribly boring, dry, and blunt, but it's time to move on.
"Anyway," Dane continued, coming up for air,"I found this letter pushed under my door this morning: (See The Federal Bureau of Peanut Butter titled The Skippy Chronicles Season 4 #1 The Best Beginning Ever)."
"Well," Ben said, stroking his 'beard', "Skippy's obviously in Danes house, because that's who the letter was given to."
"Why do you say that?" Henfrey asked. "He could be in your house. You're reading the letter, too."
"Yes. The first line's only purpose is to UTTERLY confuse whomever is reading it, so that they end up looking in every single house in the WORLD," Dane said, looking quite pleased with himself.
"Dangit!! This is more confuzzling than I thought!!!! What about the second line?"
"Oh, Ben, lines like that aren't meant to be read, or even noticed. When they make no sense whatsoever, you just ignore them, even if they complete an evil clue in the form of a poem, or if they're written in magazine letters glued onto a letter," Danefrey said dismissively.
"So, in essence, this clue is meant to confuse the holy heck out of us, consume our time, and send us into a gigantic paradox in which we pay a visit to 307,000,000 Americans. And it's in cut-out magazine letters. Classic bad-guys." Henfrey concluded matter-of-factly.
"Little do they know that they're dealing with seasoned professionals. It's almost too easy." Dane added with a smirk.
"But...since we're all here....SLEEPOVER AT BEN'S HOUSE!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!"

tO, oops. To be continued...

HOLY FISHPASTE!!!!!!!

WOAH!!!!!!! Well, Danefrey, you've really outdone yourself this time. 8 POSTS IN 1 DAY?!?!?!? WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You really took me seriously, remember when I came to your house to get the book, (thank you by the way) and then I skished you several times, and then you dubbed me sir bookworm, and then as I was walking out the door, I told you to blog, and then you hissed at me. Please hold while I breath. (Cue hold music) *Doo doo doo doo lalalalalalala doodoo wa wa da da doo lala woohoo d-* Okay, I'm back, and this time it's personal. Just kidding, although I do know where you live. YOU TOO BEN!!!!!! Well, you could say I'm shocked. Or you could say I'm happy. You could also say that I am sane, but that would be a lie. And lying is bad. I'M TALKING TO YOU, BEN!!!!! Just kidding, just kidding. I don't think you have ever lied to me. Okay, maybe just once or twice. (Give or take one hundred.) Allrighty, then. Are you ready for some intense, spicy, slightly fishy, with a hint of lemon blogging??!?!?!?!!?!? *Crickets....crickets...* wELL, oops. Darn you caps lock!!!! I mean: well, you'd better be ready because Danefrey is BACK!!!!!

Skippy Chronicles...Prolouge??

Well, since neither of you blogged at all over spring break, I've decided to start the Skippy Chronicles season 5. Let me know if you have any objections to this, but I encourage you to join me in writing this epic tale that might actually have a plot (other than just us chasing Skippy around some randomly). Well, here goes:





(cue dramatic music) Deep in the heart of a Cuban jungle, (cue tribal music) a mysterious man lay on his death bed, surrounded by his three servants.
"I need....I need....." the old man coughed.
"Yes, what do you need,"asked one of the insignificant servants.
"I need...two things. First, a peanut butter sandwich. Then, an explanation for why that infernal voice in the background described me as mysterious. WHAT IS MYSTERIOUS ABOUT ME?!?!? EVERYBODY KNOWS WHO I AM YOU SILLY HAMSTER-DUCK-CAT-THING!!!!!!
A hamster-duck-cat-thing??? What the heck??
"YOU HEARD ME YOU RARE GENETICALLY ENGINEERED STRANGE LOOKING HYBRID ANIMAL!!!!!!" In his rage, the not-so-mysterious man in the bed leaped up, grabbed a machine gun that happened to be laying around and made Swiss cheese of the hut they were standing in to the point that it all collapsed, and one of the servants was killed. There was finally silence as all the people in the hut were momentarily buried in the rubble. Eventually, and through a series of events way to complicated and overly detailed for me to describe, (a.k.a. they crawled out) the three escaped from the debris. The old man seemed to be completely cured of his sickness. In fact, he seemed to be getting younger again.
"But sir...how...?" one of the servants gawked incredulously.
"That's not important, Omar. What is important is that I told you to bring me a peanut butter sandwich, and you have delayed far too long. So instead...you will bring me TWO sandwiches."
Omar the servant whimpered, and then walked away.
The old-young guy turned to his other servant. "Is my brother Raul still president here, Faraar?"
Faraar checked his watch. "Yes."
"Then go impeach him. I will be resuming my position as president here, right after Omar brings me two, count 'em, TWO peanut butter sandwiches. Right after I become the president of Cuba for the second time, I will go for WORLD DOMINATION!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
Fidel Castro: a man of mystery, "HEY!!!!" sorrrrrry, high artillery, and peanut butter sandwiches.

To be continued......

HEY...

Do you know what I just noticed? No, I figured out I was part cat long ago. I just noticed that my last post was my 30'th!!! YAY!!!!! And do you know what this means? This is my 31'st post!!! Isn't that exciting?!?!?!?

Letters From a Frisbee #2

Dear Insane Asylum for all Things Mongoose,

I am the CEO of the National Aardvark Skish Administration, and I am writing you because I want to apologize for my spontaneous frisbee's complaints. For one thing, I decided to visit your blog myself, to see what the heck he was talking about with Clark Rockwell, but found nothing. I then interrogated Mr. Frisbee for more information, and he informed me that it was an advertisement for a TV show that came on before Boombot showed up. I promptly fired him and hired a new frisbee named Phillis R. Frisbee. He may be writing you sometime, so don't be surprised. I also have a question for you. Since the Skippy Chronicles have stopped being written, I was wondering if you think it's a good idea to start writing those again (except on my blog). And if I were to do that, would you be willing to write your share of the Skippy Chronicles? I will also ask the Federal Bureau of Peanut Butter, but I want your input!!!!!!!!

Possibly sincerely,

Henry Koch
National Aardvark Skish Administration
CEO
Head of Skishing Department
Manager of Eating Pastries for Breakfast

I LOVE SPRING BREAK

Ahhhh....Isn't this nice? It's 10:21, and I just woke up!!!!!!!! I LOVE SPRING BREAK!!!!!!!! WOO HHOOOOOOO!!!!! YEAH!!!!! Yeah!!! This...is...great! Yeah.....just awesome...Ok, I'm done now. Yeah, you can stop reading. Really. This is the end. THE END!!! Yes, it is the end!!! When was there any doubt that it would not be the end? You may leave. WAIT!!!!! DON'T GO YET!!!!! HOLD ON!!!! Before you leave, be sure to vote on my poll for where you're going for spring break!!! Ok, now I'm done. THE END!

Letters From a Frisbee #1

Dear Insane Asylum for All Things Mongoose,

I am the official spokes-frisbee for the National Aardvark Skish Administration. Unfortunately, I am also the one who writes letters to complain about stuff. I admire your blog, and I am speaking for everyone hear at NASA, when I say that your new series, Llamas Ducks, and Balaclavas is going to be a huge hit. I'm like one of those food critics who comes to your restaurant and pretends that I am a normal person, but I'm not. I'm a FRISBEE!!!!! Anyway, I'd better get straight to the point. My complaint for you is simply this: Boombot. I took some screenshots the last time I attempted to play this to show you what I mean.

This is just a heads up. Also, I believe I can help with another problem. I KNOW WHO CLARK ROCKWELL IS!!! He just so happens to be my second cousin's, aunt's, great-grandfather's, sister's, pen-pal's, best friend's, ex-wife's, neighbor's, mailman's, mother-in-law. You heard me. Well, you better have, because I'm not repeating that again. Now you know exactly where to find him. If you're having trouble, feel free to stop by the Tree Stump Emporium on North College any time during the day, they're open 24 hours a day except for Wednesday, where they close for one minute at exactly 3:24 AM. Anyway, I hope you heed to my suggestions for Boombot, and good luck in finding Clark Rockwell. Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

Fredrick M. Frisbee

Communications General

Corporate Relations

Nation Aardvark Skish Administration

Ahhh...the Irony of it All

Hi there, everybody. No doubt you have been away from my blog for some time now, thanks to that stupid virus!!! HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!! I was talking to the virus, not you. Anyway, today, when I tried to enter my blog, it redirected to this website, and there was an advertisement for anti-virus software. At this point I had a mini-seizure in which I kind of stared and chuckled at the computer maniacally while my eyelid twitched. Then I slammed the keyboard and Jasper had to tackle me before I destroyed anything important. After 5 minutes of mini-coma following the mini-seizure, I snapped out of it and hunched over. And when I hunched over, I got a hunch, which is usually what happens when you hunch over. I came back to my computer to find ASLKD>BNSKALSdkasNkdan;skbs.zla typed in the URL box, and the S key not working as well as it used to, but other than that nothing was seriously damaged. I went back to my blog and went to the Layout page, where it displays your gadgets. Being the psychic that I am, and because I hunched over, I went directly to the newest gadget I added: the clock at the bottom of my page. I clicked on the Edit icon, and it opened that webpage with the gadget in it. Except, the gadget didn't show up. It redirected to some random place. Guess what I did then? No I didn't delete it. I walked into every room in my house exactly once. Then I deleted it. And guess what? No, I didn't walk into every room in my house exactly once again. That was boring enough the first time. Anyway, IT WORKED!!! Problem solved!! Hoooraay! Stay tuned, I'm gonna be like a blogging maniac now that it's working again.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!

OH MY GOSH! IT DID IT AGAIN! THIS IS GETTING REALLY WEIRD. Except this time, it was a different website!!!!!! AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!

Uhhhhhh...

Whoa!!!! That was really weird! I just posted School Update #1, and I was viewing my blog when it went to this completely random website that I'd never been to before. And then, when I clicked back, it just kept on the same website!!! Everybody say goodbye to your loved ones and/or those you don't love...IT'S THE BEGINNING OF THE APOCALYPSE!!!!!!! No, I'm kidding. But still, you never know... you'd better pack all of your valuable belongings anyway (AKA dog toys).

School Update #1

HELLO EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!! This is my first update on my life at school, seeing as Danefrey goes to CLP (hisssss). And Sarah (hissssssss). AND MELISSA (HISSSSSSS). Not that you people necessarily care about my life at school, but I'm going to tell you anyway. And there's nothing you can do about it. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! YOU WILL READ ABOUT MY LIFE, AND YOU WILL LIKE IT!!! Ok, so on Wednesday, I had science with this teacher who most likely dropped out of high school. I mean, what good teacher drinks out of a tiki sippy cup?!?!?!? SHE'S AWFUL!! As the great Ben Wdowik once said: "If we didn't have science class, we would leave school 1 hr. 30 min. early every other day, and be just as smart, if not smarter." Totally accurate. Anyway, Ben and I were in science class, and we got this assignment to write a weather report, and draw a map. Well, we did our reports on the apocalypse, and I will post mine as soon as possible. I see that Ben has already posted his, but just you wait. Ok so also on Wednesday, we did this online thing where we log on as someone and play a math game where we compete against other peeps around the world. Speaking of peeps, EASTER IS COMING UP, so make sure your refrigerator is full of peeps. I'm serious. From now until Easter, your diets will consist of only Peeps. You heard me. What's for breakfeast? Peeps. What's for second breakfeast? Peeps. What's for brunch? Peeps. What's for lunch? Those Peeps that are shaped like bunnies. What's for post-lunch-snack-thing? Cantaloupe (and/or Peeps). You get the picture. Ok, so we've been doing this 50's 60's unit for English, where we're researching the 1950's and the 1960's. On Friday, we had this 50's 60's day where we all went down to the auditorium for a couple hours and there was a talent show and all that good stuff. It wasn't that great, but at least I got out of science class. Yessssssssss!!.........Boring! Since that story was so dull, I decided to add a little more pizazz to it. Here's the finished product (or at least the first thing that popped into my head).
On Friday, we had a 50's 60's day, and I traveled to Mars for a couple hours and danced an Irish jig with several small, fuzzy, creatures who called themselves talented. It wasn't that great, but at least I got out of science class. Yessssssss! Ok, so that wasn't really true, but you get the just of it. Today, we started CSAP's and, well, you know. I don't even have to say anything...But I will anyway!!! HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok I'm done. Well, you've just wasted 3 minutes of your life reading about my life. And if you even have had the patience to read this far, I'm proud of you. I also feel sorry for you. Please forgive me. Oh, and I will be starting my new series soon called: Letters From a Frisbee. Stay tuned everybody!

Squirrel Farming Weekly

Squirrel Farming Weekly

Casualties this week: 56

The Squirrel Farming Weekly appologizes for the delay in this news report (and for those kittens we left on your doorstep, but that's not important).

Squirrel Farming Season Starts TODAY

At exactly 3:24 AM today, park rangers around the globe opened areas for a new season of squirrel farming. And now a message to all squirrel farmers: IF YOU HAVE NOT BEEN SQUIRREL FARMING IN THE LAST 12 HOURS, DO SO IMMEDIATELY. Every experienced farmer knows that the best time to go squirrel farming is right when the season starts, when the forests are rich (and creamy) with some of the best squirrels you'll find at no other point in the farming season. So be the early worm and catch the...wait... Nevermind.

From the Dead Sea to You: Weekly Stories From the Dead Sea

TO ALL ROOKIE SQUIRREL FARMERS: Hi. And: DO NOT ATTEMPT THE DEAD SEA THIS YEAR UNLESS YOU ARE CONFIDENT IN YOUR SKILLS, OR IF YOU HAVE A DEATHWISH, OR IF YOU LIVE UNDER THE STRANGE IMPRESSION THAT EVERYONE IS A NINJA, OR IF YOU ARE CARRYING A ZIPLOC SANDWICH BAG FULL OF CHICKEN FEATHERS FROM PORTUGAL. Just don't do it, OK??!?!?!?!? Promise? Cross your heart, hope to die? What does that mean, anyway? Why in the world would you hope to die?!?!? That's like, emo or something. Whatever. Anyway, the infamous fanged squirrels have been genetically mutated by some Russian Scientist dude named Yuri Fararlkaaxzcdniolsndjklnkalkdbnzla. No that's not his real name, but it's ridiculously long. Of all the squirrel farmers to enter the dead sea today, none of them returned alive. Hear that? Zero. Zilch. Well, I guess one did survive, but he doesn't really count because he was like a ninja. (Level 16)

Also in the News...

Squirrel farming authorities have decided to delay the opening of some European squirrel farming locations due to a rapid decrease in squirrel populations.

I...AM...BACK!!!!!!!!!! No, really I am.

Why hello, again. As you can see, I am back. After a year or so of doing absolutely nothing on my blog, I'm glad to see that it still exists. I assume that all of my avid readers (Dane and maybe Sara, I'm not really sure) have long since given up on my blog. But there is still hope!!! I am sorry to all you Weekly Squirrel Farmer readers, that my weekly news report ended so abruptly, but I assure you that it will be up and running as soon as possible. Also, I will be starting a new series on my blog called... well, I'm really not sure yet, but I will let you know when I figure that out. Anyway, I'll also be giving you people random updates of my life (particualarly school) not that any of you care, but I'll be doing that anyway.