Squirrel Farming

Since I am struggling with writer's block right now and can't think of anything to write for Frisbees Talk to Me, I am starting a news report thingy right here on my blog. And it will be about... What else? SQUIRREL FARMING!!!!!!! It will be called the Weekly Squirrel Farmer and-oh yeah, you don't know what the heck I'm talking about. Here's what squirrel farming is.

So you go out in 3 feet of snow butt naked with nothing but a pipe cleaner. You lure in a squirrel with an acorn, and then grab hold of him with the pipe cleaner. He starts struggling away, so you're like "WOAH!!!!" and he's like, "WOAH!!!" and then he bites you in the jugular and you're like "woah." So now you get mauled by all these squirrels and they're biting you in the jugulars and you finally get away so you book it back to your car. But the squirrels catch up to you and start mauling you again when you're almost to your car. So you're friend's in the car and you're yelling to him, "Oh my gosh! Help me! Oh my gosh! Help! Help!" But he can't hear you because he's jamming out to his iPod and eating Subway. Then he happens to look over and sees you getting mauled, so he pulls you out of the feeding frenzy and gets you in the car. Then you yell to him, "Faster! Faster!!" But he can't hear you because he's jamming out on his iPod again and eating his Subway. Then he finishes his subway and looks out the rear-view mirror and sees all these squirrels chasing you and he's like, "Woah!" and then you drive away.

When the Earth Split Open (and no, that's not plagurism)

Q. Sorry, Q was feeling left out. He never gets typed. So sad. Sad. Sad. Sad. Now to the real story. Actually, that was the real story. So ha. Just kidding. Here it is.
Flaflejalwitz (Fla-flee-jall-wits), a 95 year old retired guy, lived in right next to the when the earthquakes of 1811 and 1812 began. He just slept right through the first part of the earthquake, but when the flooding came, he heard a knock at his door. He said from his rocking chair to come in. The person opened his door and water streamed into his house. "Well I'll be darned," Flaflejalwitz said in amazement, "you brought me some water." Oh yeah, and by the way, you have to read Flaflejalwitz's dialogue in a Southern style accent, or it's not nearly as good of a story. (I'm not quite sure why.)
A guy in a boat was floating in the doorway. "Hey person who's way to old for this time period," said the guy in the boat. "Hop in, or you're going to drown."
"Now why would I do a thing like that?" Flaflejalwitz answered. With a crazy, creepy looking face, he added "I'M IMMORTAL!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!"
The dude in the boat gave Flaflejalwitz a strange look and slowly drifted away in the other direction. A few hours later, when the house was almost completely submerged with water, and Flaflefalwitz had moved to the roof (probably the smartest thing he'd done in his long, meaningless, life) and soon enough, another boat came. Once again, he refused the help of the boat. Eventually, when the earth rumbled again due to more earthquakes, Flaflejalwitz toppled off his roof and into the water. Because he still believed he was immortal, Flaflejalwitz didn't even try to swim back to his roof. He drowned, and of course, died. What a happy ending. JUST KIDDING!!!! No. Really. I'm serious. What, you were expecting a happy ending??? You demand too much of me. OK, so I'll redo the entire story..... HAPPY VERSION!!!
Flaflejalwitz (Fla-flee-jall-wits), a 95 year old retired guy, lived in right next to the when the earthquakes of 1811 and 1812 began. He just slept right through the first part of the earthquake, but when the flooding came, he heard a knock at his door. He said from his rocking chair to come in. The person opened his door and water streamed into his house. "Well I'll be darned," Flaflejalwitz said in amazement, "you brought me some water." Oh yeah, and by the way, you have to read Flaflejalwitz's dialogue in a Southern style accent, or it's not nearly as good of a story. (I'm not quite sure why.)
A guy in a boat was floating in the doorway. "Hey person who's way to old for this time period," said the guy in the boat. "Hop in, or you're going to drown."
"Okay!" yelled Flaflejalwitz, enthusiastically. Then Flaflejalwitz stepped into the boat, and they paddled their way to safety, and lived happily ever after. BOOOOOOOOOORING. See? Isn't my first version better? So if you know what's good for you, you will NEVER ask for another happy ending from me. Ever. I'm just kidding, you can ask for a happy ending whenever you want, but don't be surprised when you get another dumb "happily ever after" story. But hey, if that's what floats your boat, (hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, pun, pun, pun) then that's fine with me.

THE END

Summer Poem

On a hot summer day,
the place to play
is no doubt
the swimming pool.

Smelling the hotdog stand,
with squirt gun in hand,
taking on your friend in a duel.

You step up to the board
to try some dives
the bees right behind in a hoard.
Disturbed from their hive,
you send send them a jive,
before leaping back into the pool.

You hear the tweet of a wistle,
and look up at the guard,
who's conviced she's very ofissal.
She looks at you hard,
but she's no threat,
while she's up on her stool.

You've got no cares,
just lawn chairs,
and sliced pairs,
and definitely no thoughts of school.

On a hot summer day,
the place to play,
is no doubt
the swimming pool.

NEW SERIES!

It's final! The new series title has been chosen. The new title is: Frisbees Talk to Me. Yaaaayyy!!! Thanks to Dane, who was the one to come up with the title so thank you Dane. I will be blogging about that as soon as possible. So stay tuned for the premier of Frisbees Talk to Me, right here at Henry's Hat.

Randomest Blog Ever.......Cheese Biscuts... you get the picture

Once upon a time, there was an old geezer named Pyotr. He lived in a country filled with war and pollution. How unusual : . He owned a beautiful beetle named Bob. Bob died. How sad. Pyotr was depressed. How sad. very sad Zach was here. Can you tell? No punctuation or capital letters. How sad. Now. Back. To. The. Story. And I'll stop doing extremely short sentences. In his younger days, Pyotr looked at the menu. Now, he just eats it. How s-Oh yeah, I said I'd stop doing that. You know what, this story is very boring. I'm going to write a whole new exciting story.
Dun dun dun dun!!!! *suspenseful music* Pyotr wound his way through the passageways. He could hear the stamping of feet right around the corner. How could he lose this guy, he wondered.... Pyotr turned into a dark room. The man followed him in seconds later.
"Come out come out wherever you a-asl;nvbdioads;ahnlbdnai;klsdibklas;blklbdn Beeeeeeep. Beeeeeeeep." That was the dude saying really bad words. I mean REALLY BAD. I'll tell them to you if you promise to utilize your sculpture in the luxury museum with customary suffocation of fugitives. Wow. See those awesome using-lots-of-spelling-words-in-a-sentence skills?!?!?! OK, now the bad words...... He said:.........................CHEESE MONKEYS!!!!!!!!!!


I know those words look bold because they're big, actually they're not the Big font they're the largest font but I know you think there's no difference, but there is, just look, and you'll see, there's a smallest font, a small font, a normal font, which is what I'm using yaaaaaayyy, at least for most of it because those letters back there were big, actually that was the biggest font because I said so and there's a large font, and a largest font!!!!!!!!!! There, children, is an example of a run-on sentence. Never do that, or the big cheese will cook your mouse in a whale of a DUCK!!!! I like sulfur. Do you like sulfur? This is total nonsense. That means it doesn't make sense, children. I'm lookin' at you-hey look, it's exactly 37 degrees outside! Yaaaaaaaay!!!! I know that's a weird name, but this is a valuable moment in history.
I can't believe they have a picture of 37 degrees on Google Images. Isn't that incredible? ............................................................................... .....................................................................................................................
.......................................................HI!........................................................
...........................................,.......................................................Find the comma. And that thing ^ is not it. Don't you know what a comma is? Everyone in the universe-hey, that's all my spelling words! Stop interrupting my important discussions with uhhhhhh.... Pyotr- Hey! I remember Pyotr. You were writing a s-You interrupted me again. You're so mean. And by the way, we haven't used all of our spelling words either. And by the way-you just said that- I DON'T CARE! By the way, who are you, anyway? I am your conscience. Your very valuable conscience. Ha! I'm better at using spelling words than you! Na nah nah nah nah! Narrator: I know this probably doesn't make any sense because the author is talking to himself and there are no ocelots, I mean quotation marks. We will be sure to change that right away. Please wait while we repair the quotation marks. ...................................................... .................................................... Author: Ahem, ahem. I have something to say................................... ..........CHEESENESS!.............Conscience: That was totally random....................................................... ................................................Narrator: OK, guys, I think we got 'em fixed. Go ahead and test.......... ............GUYS!.... Author: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... AAAAAAAAH! ................Author: "Testing. Yep, they work. Now, back to our discussion. Oops. I forgot what we were talking about. Oh yeah, who can get the words first well, thumbprint. There. I beat you conscience. Ha ha. Conscience? Where did you go?"
Conscience: "Boo."
Author: "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!! Well, anyway everybody, this blog will be starting a new series where the Author talks to his Conscience. Exciting, right? I know. Well, it's up to you to pick the title. Please participate in the poll over on the right-hand side. Now. Because I told you to. If you have other ideas for titles that I don't have on my poll, leave a comment on this post. Thank you much. Bye!

STICK MEN UNLEASHED!!!!!!!!

DUN DUN DUN DUN!!!!!!!! Not to be outdone by Dane's new, randomness at Random! series, Henry's hole is back with everyone's favorite drawing, the stick man. Where did they come from? Ever have trouble making your own? This post will tell you everything you need to know about this wondrous creature. Anything you have to add to this Mr. Stick Person?O--<.............. I couldn't have said it any better myself. Enjoy!

The first stick figures were in prehistoric art, such as cave drawings. Many, many years later, people who used images instead of words in their writing, such as Egyptians and Chinese, started using stick men in their writing, as symbols for people. The first international use of stick figures was in the 1964 Summer Olympics in Tokyo, Japan. Some Japanese artists created some pictograms such as: ----------->

The pictograms were created for people who spoke different languages, so they could easily understand which sport was which. For example, if you were an Olympic archer, and you didn't speak Japanese, you could accidentally walk into a wrestling match and have an unfair advantage because you could just shoot with your bow and arrow. With the pictograms, though, you could easily tell which sport is which. (Unless you get the softball and baseball signs mixed up. If so, shame on you.)

Wonder how your friends draw stick figures so well? After this quick tutorial, all your friends will envy your great artistic skill. First draw yourself a circle. This may be the hardest part of all. Don't be a square and try and make a perfect circle. Hee hee hee. I made a pun with shapes. Hee hee- OK! Now back to business. Again, do not worry if your circle ends up looking like a demented vegetable, or something like this:
Don't worry. That's completely natural. My first head looked something like that, too. OK, so maybe it wasn't that bad, but it wasn't a circle. Next, draw one vertical line coming down from the circle. Don't try and make this all perfect, either. Just draw a line and be done with it. Don't worry if your line looks like this:

That also is completely natural. Now, your drawing should look like...

All these darn pictures are messing everything up. Now...draw one line going straight through the line you just made. The simplest stick figure is made only with one line to make the two arms, but once you get good at that, you can make two separate lines to show more feeling in the figure. Next, you draw two lines going diagonally down from the body. Draw them going in different directions. Voila! You're done! If you want to get inventive, you can draw two dots for the eyes, and maybe even a mouth!